Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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