he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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