none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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