I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
