drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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