At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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