It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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