My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
