he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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