Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
