I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
