i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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