im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
