She said her name was "party"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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