I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
