I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize