did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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