Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
