dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
