Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The Olympian is in my bed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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