Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
