i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
