I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
