Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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