After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
