hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
