I am puke
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I touched a dick in church today
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
