Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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