Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
