Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize