i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
