we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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