News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
