YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
