So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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