he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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