dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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