my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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