She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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