Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
