Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
