he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
