I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
