I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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