he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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