So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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