She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He did a backflip because drugs
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