I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
