Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
