Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
