Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
