im about as happy as oj after his trial
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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