he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
