Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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