Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
