I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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