so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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