I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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