Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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