Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
