you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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