I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
