the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
