OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
