I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
