addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
